I have always had a pretty negative body image. When I was in 7th grade my nickname was "Blubber". A nickname like that doesn't do good things for your self esteem. I wasn't really overweight, I was just kind of short and stocky. I still am not even overweight. It isn't that I think I have tonz of weight to lose, but my body is not how I want it to be. I have become complacent. I see people with great, healthy, toned bodies and I think "that is what I want to look like", but when it comes down to it I have not been willing to make the sacrifices and put in the hard work necessary to get my ideal body. I have always just thought to myself, "well, I look good enough". But... I don't want to look good enough, I want to look great!
I am sure all of us grew up with some type of pressure to look good and take care of ourselves. I don't know if my home was more so that way than anyone else's but I sure feel like there is a HUGE amount of importance that has been put on being skinny in my family. I feel like the skinnier you are the more accepted you are and feel. This may just be me reading into it, but its how I have always felt. I know that part of my desire to be skinny isn't just for me, it is to feel like everyone else around me accepts me more too. Hopefully through this journey I will learn to forget about everyone else and love me more, not because I am getting skinnier, but because I am achieving my goals and doing what I say I am going to do.
So sorry to write so much, but I am really excited about the prospect of really setting a body goal and achieving it. I am joining a weight loss competition. It doesn't start until January 5th, but since today is January 1st I am starting the new year right. I weighed myself this morning and took "before pictures" today that are going to be my personal starting point. By Tuesday I should already have lost a few points and that can be my starting point for the competition, but today is the first day of a new life and new goals for me.
This is the most I have ever weighed in my life...
ok, first, i totally know that this outfit is horrible (especially the underwear sticking out the top fo the pants) These pants have never fit me but this is my goal, to fit into these pants and look good:)
Here's to changing this look! Woohoo.
Hey Carmen. You know, I loved your post. First, never apologize for writing long posts...LOL. It's YOUR blog, and what you have to say is important. Plus, you're likely going to help someone else, inspire them by what is in your heart. I think by the end of this competition you will have found your inner peace about your body, whether or not you sculpt it the way you think you want or not. That inner peace is what's going to carry through your whole life. I'm eager to see how you morph during this competition.
ReplyDeleteLisaB
I'm very excitd to have you in this comp. I agree that it is totally where you need to be... NOT because you need to lose weight but because you need to learn something about yourself. Diet and exercise are not just fantastic tools for weight loss, but fantastic tools to learn how strong you are physically and mentally! It's AMAZING to learn how to have self control. And honestly, making conscious decisions everytime you put something in your mouth (regardless of whether or not it's good for you) feels truly amazing! Congrats on taking this step to discover more about yourself. STICK TO IT and you will love the results!
ReplyDeleteYour post was interesting - no apologies needed. It's powerful how old names can stick with us for so long. Good for you for deciding to make a significant change.
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